Contributory negligence.

I lost my bike. Again. The second time this year.
I'm a horrible bike owner. I should not be allowed to own bikes.
Poor bike. Left there for a few days. Neglected. Alone. Left out in the cold.
I didn't even have the chance to keep a picture.

Stupid thief. Steal my bike for what? All my investment. My hard-earned money.
Stupid thief just like the first stupid thief.
Stealing is a crime okay? A friggin crime!
Now you caused me to have no transportation. No quicker one than my legs anyway.
Bleh.

Bike oh bike.
I'm sorry.
I really liked you while you were around.
Though many complained you were short, I knew how you felt, for I get it all the time.
You were a very faithful companion.
And I will miss you sooo much.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...