I am there. I am so there.
Before this everything that happened I viewed it in a pathetic view. I whined and I complained to any soul which was willing to listen.
But now, now I'm just pissed.
I'm pissed at how everything's going.
I'm pissed at the stupid board which fell and hit my head.
I'm pissed at the drinks which fell and hit my head after the board.
I'm pissed at the people who accidentally hit my injuries.
I'm pissed at people who annoy me.
I'm pissed at anything and everything which just didn't seem to be right.
I'm pissed at the person who emos me for nothing. I mean, I'm sure it's something, but must you let it out on me? I'm sorry I'm stupid. I'm sorry I like to stand my ground, and believe things I think to be right. I'm sorry I call you names out in jest. I just figured, you being a friend of mine, would understand that I do mean no harm. You think everytime you call me names, I'm incredibly happy? You think I'm not hurt? You think I'm not insulted every single time I'm ignored and classified as being defensive? Hell I am, but do I really take it to heart? Well, I sure sound like I do now, but truth is, I really don't. Cause I know, somewhere deep down inside, you do care about me, and you're just saying it as part of harmless fun.
But must you, seriously, must you be mad at me when I ask you for help? Must you be mad at me, when I just gave a passing comment? MUST YOU BE MAD AT ME WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD SEEMS TO BE AGAINST ME?
And should you be mad at me for something I forgot about, in the midst of all my assignments and all these things going wrong for me? Can't you be a little nicer? Or if you are mad at me, can't you just ignore me and let me be?
It really hurts. It really really does. And I really don't want to be hurt, especially not now. No matter how tough I seem to be, I really can't take much more.
And I'm sorry if this hurts you, in any way, I just really need to vent.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Breaking point.
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5 comments:
You knowing me, am very particular when it comes to certain things. You get pissed when people emo you for nothing, I get pissed when people twist facts on purpose, after you telling them a million times. I can't change who you are, I don't intend to change who you are. Neither do I intend to change for things I stand for just so that it fits what you THINK is right. I know it was right, I tell you (and for this matter, your housemate) it was right, but you guys never once bothered to listen, do you? No, you guys just go along ignoring me. Maybe you should ignore this too. Have I not been ignored ever before? I think you, of all people, should know that not only you are ignored sometimes, I am too. We all are sometimes.
Calling people names. There's a line called "going too far". I don't scream funny names at you from miles away. I know you mean no harm, but I am offended when you go screaming funny names that I am supposed to respond to. Not in front of a few close friends, but when the whole wide world is there. To me, you seem to be enjoying it. Screaming at the top of your lungs one name after another. And why should I choose to respond to you? So you don't look stupid? Well have you ever thought that I actually LOOK stupid responding to the absurd names you call me, most of which don't even fit my gender. And the fact that I told you time and time again that I didn't like it when you call out such absurd names in public. Maybe the silent treatment wasn't clear enough. I told you by word of mouth. I guess that's not clear enough either. Maybe I will put it down in writing. Hey wait, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Hope you get the message then.
I do NOT call you Harold, Ashley or Kat in public, or at all. Maybe I do call you Cindy or Goxin very so often. At least Cindy sounds almost like your name, and is actually a lady's name. The ones you call me sounds moronic. It's almost as if the days you decide to come up with nicknames for me it's opposites day so the names you came up with were those fit for another gender.
I'm sorry that I was mad at you when the world was against you. I forgot to do a reference check before replying your SMS. I would have ignored you and let you be, but again, it was harmless fun on my side, much like you calling me idiotic names in public. Problem is SMS doesn't convey the tone of my voice, using the word "ish" made you think that I was very upset about you forgetting the "date". But trust me, those were harmless fun on my side. I did not know the sky was falling down in your world. I guess next time I should just shut up and go along my life.
Except when you call me idiotic names. That, I will TRY to respond to from now on. Look stupid, feel like a moron and try to hope I don't have to go through that humiliating episode ever again.
I know that this just might tip the bucket, but I do have to vent as well, just as you said you needed to vent. Not only does you life suck now, if you had the time to read my blog I'm sure you'll realise that I'm not going through the best time of my life either. But I know that you have not been checking blogs, so I don't expect you to have read my latest post. But I just had to reply to your post.
I was slightly mad when you asked me for help that time. I was dead tired, I was drained, I was cranky. That's what happens when you have so many late nights and finally get a breath of fresh air. Maybe you don't understand it since you are able to sleep for two hours a day, wake up, eat some sugar and act as if you had many good nights' sleep. But I am wired differently, and sleep debt does rack up for me. Forgive me for being cranky that time, but doing what you asked me to do isn't exactly my expertise. I knew nuts about what you wanted me to help you with. Neither do I want to risk making things worse than it already is.
It really hurts me too. It really really does. And I really don't want to be hurt too, especially not now either. You don't know what it's like living in my shoes. I don't know what's like living in your shoes. Conflicts do happen, but if no one is honest about it it will forever remain a conflict. I do wish things get better for you while I continue drowning myself in self pity and sorrow about the crap that's going on in my life.
We don't see eye to eye on everything, you wanted to vent, I wanted to vent. I learn that I have hurt your feelings, but please do hear me out too. Sucky life isn't an excuse for being harsh so I'm sorry if I hurt you with my comment. I just needed to get it out.
From,
The person
Well that's a way to get a great mark for an essay. Yay you!
Thank you for being so thorough in answering all my questions. On the contrary, it did NOT tip the bucket, and yes I did read your blog. While I haven't been reading blogs lately, it is the BEST way to not do work. Which you know I am really good at. After sleeping.
So I do know, and it's great that you did let me know as well.
Now that all the venting is out, we shall return to our apparent happy lives and I will refrain (or at least TRY to, as you will) from calling you absurd names. Honestly, I do understand the different gender thing. I just, aiyah, okay I will stop. But when I don't, ignore me and scold me again. I need to learn sometimes. I have a thick head, try to get through to me. (My mom sure has her way of doing that.)
Eh, very smart hor, the anonymous. You know, I know, no one knows. Hee hee hee.
Still love you, hope you do love me still too.
Housemate apologises profusely for being ignorant.
I went to sleep, woke up and the sun shines again. That's the beauty of my very so forgetful brains, that everyday I wake up to a whole new world and everything is perfect.
Unless I choose to remember imperfect things that spoils my day.
I think the drama mama is over over. Well it'll be over over if it's over over for you. On my side it's all clear and ready to go. Over.
(Quite lame also)
Roger.
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